de Sorin-Mihai Grad / ©2010 Herg Benet Publishers

Advice Surrogate

[translation by Nigel Walker & Alexandra Sârbu of Surogat de sfat]

after the great settling down
started from the dumping cart
you are not allowed to write anymore
that someone’s IQ doesn’t outgrow
his shoe size, be straight
‘hey you, are you stupid?’
otherwise, you’ve just unveiled yourself
as a poor pasture-fan lost through today

if you write a love poem
not so as to impress
lady fans or judges
you obviously are retired
or turned inside out and believe that you can hide
at best you’re one who has seen
more than nipples
only in pictures

don’t get us bored with nature
or any kind of impulse of admiration
it would be really ridiculous
for anyone to remember
for how long these things have been outdated
and so many others on top of them

you should definitely talk about a bender
something special or at least one that lasted a week
not with father, colleagues or the guys
‘cause it’s more pleonastic than a drunken poet
it goes well with some women
heifer poetesses sounds well
why not with mother and grandmother
in taverns as much underground as possible
smoky, wretched and definitely smoky

I was saying something about the poets, if you feel
they don’t care about you
give them something to drink
most of them are alcoholics anyway
and it won’t hurt you to get into a fight with one or two
for a couple of beers
a punch here, some blood there even more
and when you write about this
be ambiguous about the end
you never know
who may end up in a committee

your depictions should be as clear as possible
don’t censure yourself say everything
as you would tell a friend
who’s not capable of reading
is not even worth
a careless yawn

drugs? yes, you’ve written some lines
underneath them
some guy bragged on a blog
that he hit Buddhist blabbers
and Precambrian images
through them
who where don’t say
it’s irrelevant

you’ve read, eaten, tested, seen and listened to everything
guide everybody who will read you
mention something from trainspotting or fight club
requiem for a dream and if you have to
don’t forget the beat guys
nor the words that the shy only utter
in their mind

don’t say how you never forgive
blonds redheads brunettes under aged sisters
‘cause you’re no priest
the fool who’s around
will always think
a lipstick fell from a balcony
on your coat
or that you left without the knickers and a sock
from home
so that she could strip you easily when you get back

and since we brought this up, I can’t see why you shouldn’t
confess that when you croak
as artistic as possible, how else?
you will leave something to antipa museum
so they can finally throw away terente’s
damn trash*

Note: Terente is a legendary thief who lived around Brăila, South-East Romania. He is also famous for his large penis, which is allegedly kept at Antipa Museum, a natural history museum

published in EgoPHobia #29-30

translated within the cooperation project EgoPHobiaMTTLC; many thanks to Nigel Walker & Alexandra Sârbu for the translation, to Silvia Bratu for managing the project and to Prof. Lidia Vianu for making it possible

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